Things are coming together now..

I would say things are starting to layout nicely for me eversince the last "showdown" with my management.. No longer having much issue with my manager. Yesterday I initiated a conversation with him and want to know what are things he like to see me doing or should not be. And respond was althou political - I would say it's a good start.. Hey, rome wasn't built in a day right?

Of late I've been hanging out with A alot and for some reasons, we somehow click damm well. Party together flirt with gals and cracking jokes at each other. :) It nice to have another good pal in my list..

However I started to feel tired of my current party life.. I know i gotto stop been so wild and I do find myself tame down alot.. No more sleeping around thou I do wish... Something about me is everytime I met a gal - Bringing her back is last thing in my mind.. A felt that I just trying not go back to my old days.. Maybe it's true but I think it's good. What A & K said abt is true.. I do have the chance to get lay but I refuse to do so.. No doubt I've been "virgin" for this year.. hahhahaa - At least I know I not screwing things up nowadays.. :P.. One must know when to go home eventually, right?

Back late March I met AL slowly we started to sms and get in contact quite freq.. Thou we only met twice but I do feel we connects everywhere.. Never felt so deeply into someone for quite awhile.. I not sure is due to pure luck or whatever that is, I was given a chance to celeb her bd eve with her @ sentosa.. woohoo.. Well thou I wasnt quite sure if that's her bd eve that nite, I thought it's better to b prepare than never.. Bought a cake and indicated her nick on the cake...( I did that on purpose :P) plus a bottle of red wine.. Thru out the whole night it goes pretty well and againtry not to thing too much abt it. Anyway I can tell from her eyes she appericate what i did which is good start.. :)

while driving back home - I posted her question on why she decided to spend her bd with me instead of someone special? She did replied but clearly she's not really speaking "english" :P.. I again asked her if I'm special to her - And respond is abit. For the good or worse, I learnt to be contented enough and never prompt her further after that.. I think if 5 years back - I won't miss that chances to make the kill!!!... Anyway...

After she's back - we started sms and she did claimed there's a possibities for us but we see how things goes.. So this is where we were and soon enough I left country for business.. During that 1st few days we kinda chat almost every other day.. Till one nite - I decided to let her know my dark secret so that she can decided if she still wanna try to work things out.. Likewise she told me some of hers and somehow it's that moment - We started to bond even further.

Sadly she's leaving for holiday with another guy.. To b frank I felt like shit.. Not bcos I felt been played or what.. Or rather I kinda regret not going further on her bd nite.. Anyway she could choose not telling me but she did - Which I'm appericate her for sharing with me.. However she's still refuse to allow me to enter her space.

3 days past since they left... I felt.. I donno.. it's hard to explain.. and surely doesnt feel good when she's not really trying to assure me.. plus I heard something from their hotel that I shouldn't have (I actually wanted to send her flower and called hotel to verify.. Somehow hotel was saying it's Mr & Mrs kok. When I was abt to order the flower - I was kinda lost... I didn dare to put down any loving words or my names.. That moment I felt if what the hotel said is true and I might causing trouble for her. Destroying any healthy relationship she could have is last thing in my mind... Anyway I decided to be abit "political" on my card msg) I hardly get any zz since that nite and feeling troubled.. Somemore I kept getting distracted during work as well - Which is very anormal for me.. I've somehow learnt the capabilities to focus on anything whatever happens to my personal life.. These few days I just simply can't focus.. Kept making mistake and going for smoke break.. Think I going to become a chain smoker soon... :(

Still we do get to chat every night via msn but really felt I'm just a normal frz to her.. Our chat somehow let one to another and I decided to spell out everything.. I know I'm no angel but I've been very good to her!!.. Definitely don't deserve such treatment from her.. Anyway she finally spill the pills and explain her feeling again. Lastly promised me she will open her door to me in future.. We shall see..

Now still at this freaking country and 1 thing I kinda sure - I really tone down alot.. Not even thinking of looking for flings or company for past few days.. Man, is this what parents always said "You are finally growing up son!!"?????